Welcome to Relationship Thursdays!
Every Thursday I will further explain the topic I talked about on Relationship Tuesdays using my personal life as an example.
First and foremost I would like to apologize for the tardiness of this post but I fell down the stairs yesterday. I only skinned my arm but since it was the second time I have fallen down some stairs within a year I was ordered to rest all day yesterday. I am sore but I am alright.
Now that, that is out of the way! On Tuesday, I gave you some steps to escape your past. You can read that post here. Today, I am going to show you how I used those steps to escape my own past.
Step 1. Make Your Peace
My past relationships were pretty sordid and they haunted me for a long time. I was hurt, ashamed, embarrassed and pissed off! I carried all of those emotions around with me for years. I would have thoughts or flashbacks and whatever emotion they conjured up would take over my body. I guess you could say I had relationship PTSD. It tormented me for over a decade.
I made my peace with my past by changing the way I felt about it. To do that I had to change the way I thought about it first. I had to remind myself that my mistakes don’t make me a bad person, they just make me a person, like everyone else. Being the perfectionist that I was I had to come to terms with the fact that I am a fallible human being and that is okay. Once I owned my imperfections I was able to forgive myself. Forgiving myself was harder than forgiving my exes but I had to forgive them too.
Step 2. Create Some Space
This was so hard for me because I liked my exes as people and once I forgave them I wanted to be their friend. That was a bad idea. Either I found myself swept up in their drama or I wound up fending off their indecent proposals. It just wasn’t a good situation for me. It was actually my health that made me finally back away from all of my exes. Being involved in their lives was too much for my body. It was too much stress.
Once I got into a new relationship I really had to take a step back from my exes/friends because my new guy wasn’t having it. I do still email, text, or instant message one or two of them every now and again but it is rare and the conversations are short and shallow. I don’t tell them my business and I don’t want to know theirs.
Step 3. Create New Relationships
I started dating my current fiance about four months after the end of my previous relationship. I broke up with my ex-fiance in January of 2011 but our relationship had been over for months before that. I was not looking for a new guy but I was set up by a good friend. Like I said on Tuesday the quickest way to get over a past relationship is to occupy yourself with someone new. My fiance is the best thing that ever happened to me but I almost lost him early on in our relationship because he didn’t like the ties I had to one of my exes in particular. I was smart and I let that relationship go.
Step 4. Remember Everything is a Process
My past is always going to be my past. I cannot change it but I can change how I relate to it and that is what this is all about. Every day I remember where I was. I see how far I have come and I know I have a long way to go. It is all a process. We take small steps day by day and slowly we move on. I am doing it and so can you!
As always, you are free to share and comment here. If you would like to speak to me privately you can email me at email@example.com.
Until next time . . .