Welcome to Relationship Tuesdays.
This is my space to delve into relationship issues we all deal with but a lot of us just can’t seem to figure out how to get past. I will pick a topic and give you some information about it. Comments from the peanut gallery are always welcome.
Last Tuesday, I talked about how you can get swept up in your past and wind up going back to a situation you didn’t want to be in, in the first place. You can read that post here.
Today I want to explain the steps of moving on from your past and what you have to do to make that happen.
Step 1: Make Your Peace
At some point you have to acknowledge what happened in your past and accept it. There is nothing you can do to change it so work through what you can, take the helpful things with you and let go of the rest of it. I know letting go is hard but holding on only allows you to repeatedly hurt yourself with your past poison.
A big part of making your peace is forgiving yourself and others. Without forgiveness there is no peace.
Step 2: Create Some Space
You cannot move on from your past if you stay connected to the people and places from your past. I am not saying you have to excommunicate every past lover or friend who has been detrimental to you. I am saying that you need to put some space between you and them.
No showing up at Sunday dinner and talking to them on the phone daily. You can separate yourself slowly if that works better for you but sometimes total radio silence is the best way to go. No phone calls, no visits, no social media stalking.
Step 3: Create New Relationships
The quickest way to get over old relationships is to make new ones. Now, I am not telling you to jump right back into the dating pool after a bad break up but you can’t just sit at home alone for the rest of your life.
It doesn’t even have to be about dating. You can take up a new hobby or immerse yourself in an old one. There are many things you can do by yourself that will keep your mind and body occupied.
You can take up walking or jogging. You can learn to sew or learn a new language. You can become a swimmer or join a book club. The point is to find something fun to do that keeps you away from the people and places you are trying to separate yourself from.
Step 4: Remember Everything is a Process
Your circumstances, your feelings and your behaviors are not going to change overnight. It’s a process so go easy on yourself. When you have been friends with someone for five years it’s hard not to think about them or want to talk to them.
Don’t get down on yourself for relapsing either. It took me 8 years to fully get over my high school boyfriend. I did a lot of relapsing! It is going to happen, especially if you live in the same place as that person. Take it for what it is (a moment of weakness) forgive yourself and move on.
None of these steps are easy and you will definitely have to rinse and repeat but they are vital to you guarding your present and future.
Join me on Thursday when I recount my fumbles through these very steps.
Hope to see you there!