Welcome to Relationship Tuesdays.
This is my space to delve into relationship issues we all deal with but a lot of us just can’t seem to figure out how to get past. I will pick a topic and give you some good information about it. Comments from the peanut gallery are always welcome.
Last Tuesday I talked about the importance of examining your past so you are not doomed to relive it. You can read that post here. Today I am going to explain the importance of working through your past without getting caught up in it.
Examining your past is extremely important but it can also be dangerous. There is a possibility of getting sucked in by your past once you take that trip down memory lane. There are a few ways you can get trapped by your past if you are not careful.
You will come across good memories and fun experiences when you take a look back at your past relationships. Some people may even become nostalgic and totally miss the point of the exercise. You are not in those relationships for a reason so don’t let the good times confuse you into thinking there might be something still there. You are just setting yourself up for more heartache.
Another pitfall to be aware of is getting the idea that you can do something to change past events. Your past is over and there is nothing you can do now to change the things that happened back then. This can become an obsession if you are not careful. Some people go over situations repeatedly in their mind as if thinking about it obsessively will change the outcome. It never does.
You are reviewing your past to critique it, your aim is not to relive it. I fell victim to this problem. I went back to two of my exes on more than one occasion because I thought that figuring out where I went wrong meant I could fix the issues we had. That was not the case in either situation. What happened is I wound up getting dragged back into to old patterns. Knowing your issues does not necessarily stop you from falling prey to them again.
Examining your past can also leave you with bad feelings about yourself. It is very important to use your past as a learning experience. Beating yourself up over the mistakes you have made is counterproductive. You’re not learning from the experience instead, you are punishing yourself for it. That only makes things worse!
The one thing I want you to walk away with is the idea that examining your past is something you do for a period of time and then you move on. You do not want to let your past consume you in any of the ways I have talked about. If you are living in your past you are neglecting your present and damaging your future.
On Thursday, I will share how I got sucked into my past and the damage it did to my mental health and my self-esteem. Hope to see you there!