Picking the Past Apart

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Welcome to Relationship Thursdays!

Every Thursday I will further explain the topic I talked about on Relationship Tuesdays using my personal life as an example.

On Tuesday, I explained the importance of examining your past. Today I am going to share the pattern I kept repeating for over a decade and how it nearly drove me crazy.

First, I need to give you some background information. In 1996 my mother passed away from brain cancer. I was 14 years old. For two years I suffered from depression. Two summers later I was introduced to a guy who went to my school. We talked over the summer and were a couple by the beginning of the our junior year.

Our high school relationship was pretty good. He did spend a lot of time doing other things and I took a back seat. Once we went to college things got even worse. He put me at the end of his list. His friends, his family, other girls, among other things were more important. After seven years I called it quits.

I got out of that relationship but I never really paid attention to what I did over those seven years. I always focused on all the ways he did me wrong. For ten years I continued dating guys that didn’t put me first. They all had other things or people they cared about more than me. After the fifth break up I was devastated! I just could not understand why I could not find a guy who would be dedicated to me above all else.

It wasn’t until I went back to my first relationship and really thought about my role that I saw what I had been doing for the past decade. I excused my first boyfriend when he put other things in front of me. I reasoned it away and I even stood up for him when other people criticized his behavior. When I left him I took those same behaviors and used them with other guys.

I put up with so much crap that I should have never allowed. I let a guy go back and forth over whether we were dating or not. I allowed another guy to never go anywhere with me in public. Then there was the fiance who I only talked to 3 times in 6 months! I let all of these things and more go when I knew I deserved much better.

I had to go back to my high school boyfriend and talk some things out with him. It took several of these talks over a few years before I finally realized the problem I was creating for myself. I was holding myself to the highest standards but I was accepting below average investment from the men I dated. I was cheating myself! It wasn’t until I came to that realization that I started approaching dating differently.

In my next relationship I saw the signs quickly and I treated him like a good friend not a serious love interest. That decision allowed me to have a free heart and mind when the guy who will be my husband in less than two months came along.

As always, you are free to share and comment here. If you would like to speak to me privately you can email me at writerblocks2015@gmail.com.

Until next time . . .

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