Cleaning Out The Closet


Welcome to Relationship Thursdays!

Every Thursday I will further explain the topic I talked about on Relationship Tuesdays using my personal life as an example.

On Tuesday, I talked about baggage and how too much of it makes it impossible for you to invite anyone else into your life because you don’t have any room for them. Today I want to share the baggage I carry and how I deal with it.

I have already confessed to my abandonment issues. I have to say that I did not realize how hard it is to accept someone’s love when you don’t expect them to hang around. There are other issues that I have dealt with. Some of them I have overcome. Others I am still struggling with.

One of my biggest issues is my attitude. I am a sensitive soul and for a long time, I felt like I was always being attacked. That made me very defensive, even when there was no reason for it. Whenever I felt threatened I would come back real quick with an attitude that said, “How dare you question me!”. That makes sense when someone is attacking you but it became my default mode. It wasn’t until I started dating someone who did not come back at me with his own defensiveness that I realized I was flipping out for no good reason. His questions were just questions. He was not accusing me of anything and he wasn’t trying to take anything away from me.

I would love to tell you that I have gotten it all out of my system and it is no longer a problem for me but that would be a lie. It doesn’t happen nearly as mush as it used to and now I catch myself and I correct myself. That is the key.

First, you have to recognize that there is a problem. Next, you have to get an understanding of what the problem is and why it is an issue for you. Then, you need to come up with ways that you can change. One of the things I do is I make sure I listen to the tone of my voice when I am speaking and if I hear something that sounds mean or aggressive, I address it.  Lastly, you have to understand that it is a process. Nothing is going to change overnight but if you continue to monitor the situation and make adjustments when necessary, things will change. My best advice is not to give up on yourself. You deserve to love and be loved

Have you taken the time to consider what baggage you are carrying around that is making it hard for you to have healthy relationships? What is keeping you from letting others in? What barriers have you put up around your heart and why do you feel you need them?

If you have any questions or comments feel free to share them. If you don’t want to share with everyone you can reach me at

Until next time . . .



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