Coming Clean


Welcome to Relationship Thursdays. Every Thursday I will further explain the topic I talked about on Relationship Tuesdays using my personal life as an example.

Last time, I challenged you to take a good look in the mirror and be honest about who you are. If you missed it you can read that post here. I promised you that I would do the same. For me, coming clean was a process. It was a series of steps I had to take in order to really discover my truth.

The first thing I had to realize was that I was getting what I asked for. For a decade or more I dated the same type of guy. He was charismatic, outgoing, a show-off and materialistic. This is who I was attracted to and I kept dating this guy over and over again. It wasn’t until a friend of mine pointed it out to me that I realized I am not the right girl for that type of guy.

I don’t like drama and the guys I dated always had some craziness going on around them. I don’t like being treated like an object and the guys I dated were looking for a trophy. I wanted to be the one and only and I was always second at best in my past relationships.

I realized that I wanted more from them than they were able to give me. I had to be honest with myself and admit that I let good looks, a confident attitude, witty conversation and sexual chemistry lead me to be with the wrong guys. That meant I had to change what I required of the men I dated.

Here is a short list of the main requirements I focused on:

~I don’t have to be number one all of the time (I understand that there are other important people in your life, ie. parents, siblings, friends, kids) but I have to always be in the top three. More often than not I need to be number one.

By that, I just mean that my needs come before the rest of the world.

~Loyalty is an absolute!

If your loyalty lies elsewhere, then why am I here? I need to know that when times get     tough you are going to choose me and you are going to be on my side.

~I cannot date someone who is always caught up in something. No drama!

One of my exes was what I like to call a “victim of circumstance”. There was always some grand story to accompany his excuses for why he didn’t do what he said he would do. It became tiresome.

~I am not interested in keeping up with the Joneses.

I want to live a comfortable life within my means. I don’t need the hottest new gadget or the most expensive clothing or jewelry, especially when we cannot afford it.

~I don’t want a fixer-upper!

No one is perfect but I should not have to make a guy into the man I need him to be. You have to be move-in ready or you are not the guy for me.

These are only five of my requirements but I think they are the most important because they speak to who I am as a person. They also entail what I need from another person in order to be fulfilled in a relationship. This applies to any relationship. I hold my siblings, my friends and all the important people in my life to these same standards.

How has coming clean been for you? What did you learn about yourself?

If you have any questions or comments feel free to share them. If you don’t want to share with everyone you can reach me at

Until next time . . .


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