Welcome to Relationship Thursdays. Every Thursday I will further explain the topic I talked about on Relationship Tuesdays using my personal life as an example.
In high school, I dated the captain of the Football team (co-captain). He was very outgoing and charismatic. I won’t say he had a lot of friends but he knew a lot of people and more people knew him. I was co-captain of the Track team and I was quiet and studious. I knew a good amount of people but I only hung out with a select few. When my boyfriend got around his friends he was loud and rowdy. They harassed other students. They even made fun of me.
I stayed in that relationship for seven years. Yes, seven long years. I never pretended to be outgoing and boisterous like he was. I read lots of books and played card games during lunch. But as each year went by I disavowed little pieces of myself so I could be closer to the girl he wanted me to be.
I went to parties I did not want to go to knowing I would rather be home reading a book. I spent time with people I did not like because he wanted to be around them. I dressed up and let him show me off like a prize pony. The worst part of it all was the fact that this is who I wanted to be. I fought for a relationship that was unfulfilling, stressful and stifling.
I’m sure it was not a picnic for him either. He was dating someone who didn’t like his friends (especially his best friend). She didn’t like to do the things he enjoyed and a lot of the time she did not even like him.
It got to a point where we were just going through the motions. We were a couple but we weren’t really together. He did his thing and I did mine. Every now and then we would do something together to prove that we were still in a relationship. It was a sad state of affairs.
In the end, I had to stop the charade. He was seeing other girls and I knew it. All of our conversations turned into arguments. I got tired of his lies and he got tired of my anger and resentment.
I take a lot of responsibility for the torture that the relationship became. He lied to my face but I lied to my heart. My lies were much more debilitating to us both because my lies made him think he was what I wanted. They made him feel like he was my soul mate when in reality he was a noose around my neck slowly choking me to death.
Take a moment and think about the important relationships in your life. Are you being your true self or are you faking it for some reason? That is the real issue. If you are not being true to who you are, why aren’t you? I did it for love. I was in love with someone who was not right or me. I did not want to face that truth so I did everything I could to avoid it until it became unavoidable.
Take some time and ask yourself, “What am I lying about and why?” I have to stress that this pertains to any relationship, not just romantic ones. What is the most problematic relationship in your life? I promise you that someone is lying, faking or trying to be something they are not.
Most of the time we don’t even realize we are doing these things until someone comes and turns the light on. Well, the light is on. I would love to know what you’re seeing.
If you have any questions or comments feel free to share them. If you don’t want to share with everyone you can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Until next time . . .