For some reason, my posts this week have revolved around death. I did not plan it that way. It just happened. So here we go . . .
The way I think and feel about death is a little different than most people. It is not some doom and gloom concept. It is a fact of life. I am mortal and one day I am going to die. There is nothing I can do about that. It is what it is.
I am a Christian and I believe to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord (II Cor.5:8). I’ll take heaven over earth any day but that is not why I am not afraid of death. I have experienced death, what I consider to be a lot, in my 34 years. By 14 both of my parents were gone and I lost my last grandparent in 2010. Those were the big ones. There have been a few cousins and loved ones of close friends. I know some of you are not going to like this but I am going to tell the truth. Death is an expectation for me. People are going to die. That is what we do! Just so no one thinks I am heartless, it hurts me just like everyone else. I just choose to think about it differently. Death is not a punishment. I know some people feel that way but I can think up many reasons why life is more of a punishment than death.
Okay, so let’s bring it back to me. I am not afraid to die because I have decided to live a life of no regrets. I bet you’re wondering what that means. First of all, I am not perfect and you’re dumb if you expect me to be. That is your expectation and your disappoinment (I assure you that you will be disappointed) not mine. It was hard but I had to let perfectionism go because it was killing me inside. I had so much guilt it almost drove me crazy. It had to go!
Second, I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and I love it! This is not what I planned on doing but my plan made it posssible for me to be in the position I am in right now. I am supposed to have an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy and have my own practice where I help couples and save marriages. Well, I never got the degree but I have been writing for so long I have become a pro at it. So now I write for a living. I am using the gifts God has given me and it is a wonderful feeling.
Third, I spread love unapologetically. If I love you, you know it. You are not confused about it. You are not unsure because I try to show it whenever I get the chance. It could be as big as writing you a love letter or as small as singing you happy birthday. I love freely. I care about people and I find fun ways to show them how much I care.
The main reason death does not scare me is because I am where I am supposed to be with the person I am supposed to be with. Yes, there are things I still want to do, but if I die today I would die knowing I did my best and gave my all. That is really all we can do. The world can’t ask anything more of you. I know who I am and I like myself. I’m a cool chick. Yes, I have faults and I’m a little off but I have a good heart.
This may be a little controversial but I look forward to the end of the pain and suffering I endure here on earth. Don’t worry, I don’t plan on dying anytime soon. I just know that the pain will end and I like the sound of that.
Death is inevitable but it’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s just another part of life.