Crushes From the Past

two-hearts

I had two of them

One from fourth grade to ninth grade

And one from ninth grade to eleventh grade

 

The first one was just a boy

He wasn’t just any boy though

He was the boy I sat next to every day

We went to the same school from fourth grade to twelfth grade

When we were in sixth grade he said we were gonna go to the same college

But he was just a boy who was my friend

Never my boyfriend

But not for lack of trying on my part

 

There was always a reason we couldn’t be more

I was too small

Good girls are a bore

He thought I was cute

But he liked my friend more

 

His words were rough to me

He talked his way out of taking my virginity (he has no clue)

For five years that boy had my nose open

But in ninth grade I let that go

Because there was a junior that had me hoping

 

Hoping he would notice me

Hoping he would like me

Hoping he would talk to me

And you know what?

He did all three

 

It just never turned into anything

There is a huge gap between 16 and 18

I know it’s only two years but in reality, it is much more

(They call it statutory)

What would I have gotten myself into messing with that 18-year-old boy?

Hot mess central, that’s what!

 

I have run into him several times since I graduated

It just never worked out

The last time I saw him he had the nerve to pout

And swear he was feeling me

And I hurt his feelings

How could that be?

He must have been living in an alternate reality

 

Neither of my crushes became my guy

And when I wonder why

I come to the conclusion that

Crushes are made from dreams and fantasies

The guys I had a crush on were much better than either of the real guys could ever be

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