Back on the Mental Health Rollercoaster

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For the past two years I have been fighting against some serious anxiety. After two falls I was anxious about going out in public alone. My anxiety got so bad I became mildly paranoid. Even if there were no people or cars near me I would hear footsteps. Sometimes it would sound like someone was talking to me through ambiguous noises. Increasing my medication helped with the paranoia.

For a little while I was doing alright until the stress of wedding planning and family planning hit me. I found myself almost having a full blown panic attack at my physical therapist’s office. Thankfully, I knew what was happening and I was able to calm myself down.

That brings me to March 29, 2016. I had a follow-up appointment with my regular doctor. My anxiety was high already because I had not slept well and I forgot to take my medicine. I was alright during the appointment. I was a little frazzled while I was waiting for my doctor (waiting increases my anxiety) but I was handling it well.

It wasn’t until after the appointment that my anxiety almost got the best of me. I could not get in touch with my ride. I called six or seven times and I kept getting the voicemail. Probably around call #3 my mind snapped and I thought, “You know, you could just start walking”.

My doctor’s office is near Culver Road and Main Street and I live on Norton Street between Culver Road and Waring Road. If you have no idea where that is, it is about 2.3 miles from one place to the other. That probably doesn’t sound like much but you have to factor in what that amount of walking can do to my body. Oh and let’s not forget that I am at risk of falling. I take medication that has dizziness and falling as side effects. I have fallen outside twice and I fell in two different churches. I fell down a flight of stairs at my church and I fell on the basement floor at a church I was visiting.

So I call my ride a few more times and still get no answer. Now the voice in my head is amped up. I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes (I told you waiting makes me anxious) and I still can’t get through to my ride. This is when the voice in my head decides that me walking would be the best punishment for the person who was not there to pick me up. Before I got up to leave I decided to try to reach my ride at a different number. Still no answer. So I call their cell phone one more time and they finally answer.

The first seven calls never went through so while I am getting more and more excited my ride never knew I was ready to go. Their phone never rang and they were not notified that they had a missed call (gotta love electronics!). I am proud to say that I was able to tell the voice in my head to shut up and I got home safely. Lynette 2, panic attack 0!

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