I have previously written about my chronic pain disorder. Along with the chronic pain comes its friends anxiety and depression. The pain itself is constant but the anxiety and depression ebb and flow. Yes I am on an anti-anxiety medication and an anti-depressant but I have a goal of being on the least amount of medicine possible while still getting the relief I need.
To achieve this goal I have come off of some very potent medications such as, Lyrica, Cymbalta and Effexor. Coming off this medicine has rewards and consequences. My digestive system works a lot better than it did when all that medicine was gumming up the works. Less medicine also means increased pain. The pain increase has been manageable so far but it is definitely a challenge.
I have what I call low days and high days. On a high day I can stick to my schedule. I will eat and write without much effort. My chores around the house get done. On a low day I don’t speak much. Eating is a chore and I only do it because I must. When I do eat it takes forever because I am just putting food in my mouth and chewing. I’m not enjoying the experience at all.
Another thing about a low day is I have no interest in doing the things I actually enjoy. I was introduced to this belly dance workout by my sister Pamela. I love this workout. It is something I can do without hurting myself and it helps build my muscle strength. On a low day just thinking about it makes me want to crawl in bed and hide under the covers.
Low days also have an effect on my cleaning habits. My house may not be spic and span but I try to keep it clean. There are things that must be done. There should be no dishes in my sink. My kitchen floor needs to be swept every day. Stinky trash must go and my counters must be wiped down (I hate touching the counter and feeling stickiness or grit from salt or sugar that wasn’t cleaned up). On a low day I will look at a sink full of dishes and turn around and walk away. I will leave overflowing trash right where it is and I will see stuff on the floor but make no move to sweep it up.
With all of that said I am functional. I go to all of my appointments. I go to church twice a week. I keep a decently clean house and all of my close relationships are in tact. I think it is a good thing that I recognize the change in my mood and can relay it to others. Most days I am in the middle but every now and then the roller coaster goes high and sometimes it dips low.
The most important thing is that I am never stuck at high or low for too long, that is when you run into some serious problems.