I have been in a few situations in my life where someone has done me wrong. It always astonishes me when the wrongdoer gets upset with the person they did wrong. I call it “The Switachroo” and it drives me crazy.
One thing that I have noticed is that at some point every man I have dated has found a way to take a situation where I have every right to be mad at them and turn it around and make it my fault (my current fiance included). I don’t know how they do it but every man I have dated has done it (My high school sweetheart had a PhD. in it).
My theory is that at some point all the males in the world get taught a class called Turn It Around 101. In this class they are all taught how to take a situation where they messed up and make it the other person’s fault. I have found myself in this situation on more than one occasion. Each time I remember thinking to myself (Why are you mad at me? You are the one in the wrong). It always made me scratch my head.
Now I can’t just put it on the men. I counseled a woman who was unfaithful to her husband. She told her husband about her cheating and she broke off the relationship with the other man. She called me because she was not sure if she wanted to stay with her husband after what she had done to him. Her attitude was not very contrite though. During the phone call she said she was afraid to face him because she wasn’t sure type of attitude he would have. I told her that if she did go back to him she did not get to have an attitude or be angry with him. She would have to put up with his anger and any other emotion he displayed as long as he wasn’t abusive in any way). I also told her that her husband had every right to tell her she could not sleep in the bed with him or even in the house for that matter. Her response was “Well if he’s gonna be like that then I’m not going home because I couldn’t handle that”. It shocked me that she felt it would be wrong of him to want her out of the house after she slept with another man! It actually made me angry. Since I was very close to this woman I read her the riot act. She did get her mind right and she and her husband are happily married to this day. So technically she did not do “The Switcheroo” but she wanted to.
It really confuses me. Is it a survival technique? The person knows they did wrong but to survive the situation they pass the buck to the other person. Or is it just a character flaw? Maybe certain people just can’t own up to their bad behavior so they project it onto someone else. Or is it just cowardice? Maybe it is all of the above. What do you think?